Well it's been far too long since I last posted, and probably NOBODY would read this too LOL

I MEAN WHO STILL USES THEIR BLOGS?

Ok maybe everybody else, but come on la... my life is boring

Thinking back, all I've ever found useful in a blog is that it's a platform for me to rant when I'm angry or upset. I've never found the urge to blog when I'm happy. When I'm sad, all I wanna do is write and cry it all out. Well it doesn't really matter much now that I'm super super happy.

I think what made me wanna write this post was what I was talking to CT about last night. When WAS the last time I actually posted and it wasn't a half-assed, lyrics kinda thing? I realized just how much the songs I listen to actually relate to how I feel, so I just copy and paste but like WTF? I realized just how lame my blog is.

Reading through my posts that I have not deleted (yet), I THINK I'M FUCKING RETARDED. I'll probably find this post retarded 3 months later on but wtf what I posted in the past's some gay shit man.

^ mandatory scolding of past self after every blog hiatus

I've been reading up on my friends' blogs as well and sad to say I was shocked to find out just how they were feeling and yet I was oblivious to it. Idk, I feel like I should do something but idk how to. Was never one to cheer somebody up LOL because usually I'm the one being sad and people are trying to cheer me up

Thanks Hui Ling and Wilkin

Well to start things off, I sorta realized what a slut I was being.

.....

Ok maybe not cause I wasn't going around banging every guy I see but I was fucking desperate. After Matin, everything was just horrible. I think I was trying to recreate what I had with him in sec 3 but I just couldn't. My mind was telling me that I was "falling in love" with every guy who's getting closer or is close to me. It was stupid, I know. I realized my folly.

After Kin Han, I guess I could understand why none of my exes could stand my clingy-ness LOL but I think it's very hypocritical of me to say it. However, I find that clingy-ness is a way to tell how much a person feels for you. If you don't like the person that much, it annoys you. If you like the person then obviously you'll enjoy the attention.

CT says he likes clingy, but idk... after so many guys I sorta threw my clingy-ness away, or learnt to hide it. Sometimes I feel it bubbling in me but I'm afraid. What if he's gonna run away too? Frankly speaking if he gets clingy like how he told me he used to be, I don't mind.

Cue guilt from breaking up with KH cause he was too clingy

I realized, or maybe WE realized just how similar we are to each other, CT and I. It was sorta weird after finding out what we have (or feel or say) in common. It brings a smile on my face whenever we're in sync on something but I just can't shake this little nagging feeling in my head. Maybe I've watched too many shows or read too many books but usually similar people don't last long together. And I don't care how this sounds but I really really want to get married and grow old together with him.

Ok actually I'm afraid if he'll read this LOL cause it's pretty creepy in my eyes.

I'm very contented with what I have now but I can't help but feel confused inside as well

Why?