Got home, still feeling horrible though.

I really never thought I would see the day that I get drunk

But to be frank, I feel happy.

Got drunk last night

The feeling wasn't what I expected.

I thought it was something that would slowly creep up

But what I felt was after a few cups

Fuck I feel damn noob

Then I took another cup

All of a sudden I feel a wave flush over me

Suddenly everything was blurry

I felt light

I felt giddy

I remember feeling thankful for Ming Yi because he was taking care of all of us

I remember playing Indian Poker & In Between

I remember spilling coke over the cards

I remember Jian Ying being drunk

But hey, while playing the games and drinking

I feel like that wasn't the fun part

The fun part was after CT dragged me back to the room

Which I am super grateful for

Because by then I was really very giddy

And he was taking care of me

Like he said he would

I feel bad for constantly running around

Constantly asking for water

Constantly needing to pee

Constantly telling you "I love you"

But hey that's how you know it's true right? HAHAHA

I feel bad for keeping you up

Because I kept leaving the bed

Leaving the room

Kept talking to you

Watching videos

Aiya I'm pretty sure you know what I did better than I do

But I really am thankful babe

I LOVE YOU

HAHAHA

I'M NOT DRUNK

Ugh and mental note

Never drinking ever again

It doesn't even taste nice

Or maybe it's just vodka that doesn't taste nice

But a hangover is not a nice feeling

NOT NICE

Okay I think I am slightly addicted to editing the template for my blog.
Been changing things here and there
I didn't touch the layout because I liked how it looked
Probably the most I've changed is the color of certain codes
like how bold is this and italic is this instead of the dull grey they came in

Changed the photos too as they weren't in photobucket anymore :(
So I looked through Google looking for something nice
But I got lazy so...
I just chose whatever that caught my eye but I'll probably change them whenever I feel like looking through thousands of photos
so maybe never

I added in the social media widgets too because I like stalking myself

Creeper.
And of course, my ever following me wishlist!
Too bad nobody ever reads my blog
Other than the one or two I know
I guess I'll just have to get what I want on my own then :(

I added in songs too because I've always enjoyed blogs that came with music
I dislike just reading
IT'S BORING
I used to hide the little widget so that people can't pause that shit HAHAHA
Then I realized it's annoying me too and end up removing the widget a month down the road
So I shall leave it there
And if I feel like stopping that goddamn music
I SHALL

Anywayyyyyyyyyyy,

THIS IS SO COOL!

Soooo me being the retard that I am has never been able to understand what the bloody codes mean in the Edit Template HTML.

They've all just been weird brackets and hashtags to me

BUT BECAUSE OF WHAT I LEARNT IN VT AND MTSY

cause of the like color codes and shit right

I've managed to decode, like... 60% of it

And it made me think...

HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO MAKE MY OWN BLOGSKIN?

So I've been looking through the HTML codes for various blogskins,

Trying to figure out just exactly what does what

But sadly I'm still a goner at this

But I won't give up, yas?

And I said half an hour ago that I should go to sleep

But I haven't

I don't even know why

I'm just not tired

But I am fucking hungry

And I've decided,

I shall blog whenever I can

Cause it calms me down

And I can read back on this and maybe cringe a bit

HAHAHAHAHA

I'm thinking of jumping over to Wordpress but I'm super used to Blogger
How can I not be?
I've been using this since PRIMARY SCHOOL lmao
But hey,
I really want to try out Wordpress but it's just another blogging site
Wew
Decisions

I must say, it's been a pretty fun week.

I still spent a lot of time thinking.

School.

Games.

CCA.

Work.

Love.

Still overthinking but I feel happier inside.

Lighter, if you will.

Considering the fact that I just spent the past 2 days crying,

It would be a wonder if I still feel horrible.

But it's great that we managed to talk everything out.

I don't know when you're ever gonna read this.

Maybe never.

But you said you read my blog ahaha so I'm hoping this will get to you before you delete yours.

I feel like I should tell you all this in person

But I won't see you for another week

And I'll probably forget

So hey, here it is.

Out of the 7 posts in your blog, well... 6 since the oldest doesn't count, the one that really struck me's the first one.

By first, I mean the newest one.

I don't mean it in a negative way.

It was the only post that made me tear up.

The only one that really mattered to me.

When you said you had a blog that you write your feelings in, I honestly thought there were gonna be more posts than that.

I kept bugging you for it because I wanna know more about you.

The things that you normally wouldn't tell anyone.

I wanted to know what was going on in your head, 

What ticked you off, 

What made you do the things you did

Because at that time, all I was, was just a friend to you.

Because even though we were only friends at that moment in time

I wanted to know what led to us being together now.

Frankly, the thing that I wanted to know the most is was whether you liked me as much as I liked you before we got together.

I'm fucking insecure, I'm pretty sure you know that.

But when I read what you wrote, you made me smile.

Even though your posts were about other girls 80% of the time

But what you wrote about me made me smile

Even though all you wrote about was thinking that I look physically attractive.

But I've never felt that way about myself ever.

Sure, I say stuff like

"I'm damn cute"

"I'm pretty, right?"

But I don't believe them.

I think I'm average.

At literally everything.

Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses,

But I still don't know what my strengths are.

I know a whole shit ton of weaknesses though ahahaha

I know I would never be able to change your mind about deleting your blog

Heck, you wrote it there from 2 years ago

And you're my a stubborn old fool

But babe,

I'm glad I make you happy

Although I throw a damn lot of tantrums and bitch fits

But you're still there for me.

Always.

And you would always give in to me

I'm grateful.

I feel like a wuss

I'm tearing up while writing this out

I love you, babe

Forever and Always

Y'know they always say "don't stick your dick into crazy". Well...... I feel crazy lmao. Judging from how I react to things, and how "normal" girls are supposed to react.... I'm crazy.

Having been through UR, apparently it's because I'm infatuated. I feel horrible. I mean it's great and all that I understand why I'm acting this way but I just can't shrug off all these negative feelings that I have and feel happy.

I feel jealous. Constantly. It's not even like once or twice that kinda thing but it started shortly after we got together and I know it's not a very good thing.... I've been trying to make myself feel differently but it always fails. I'm still waiting for the moment where I can say "oh, that's great" and it's not sarcastic.

They say infatuation doesn't last long but there's a higher chance that feelings will fade instead of maturing and I'm afraid.

It's sad to say that my words recently have always been "I'm afraid" or "I'm scared".

Fear of losing you, fear of being replaced, etc.

I don't know what to do....

Somebody please help me :(

It's a vicious cycle and I really want it to end...